This is for my beloved.  Though he is no longer on this earth, these words will find their way to him.


The Things I Meant To Say
by Thomas Beechey

It seems that lately all I have spinning 'round my head 
Are all the itty bitty things I never ever said 
So many times I wanted to and countless times I tried 
But who knows why? It seems I kept them locked inside 
Days turned to weeks then months and years soon a lifetime passed 
And what remains are endless tears instead of smiles to last 
Oh I'd give everything I had for another day 
To hold you close and whisper those things I meant to say.

I meant to say "Good morning" each time you awoke;
I meant to say "How are you" whenever we spoke 
I meant to say "You're special" when no one seemed to care;
I meant to say "I thank you" for being there 
I meant to say "I'll help you" no matter what the task;
I meant to say "I'll listen" to each question you'd ask 
I meant to say "You helped me" for answers you'd give;
I meant to say "Cause of you" for reasons that I live.

So many things I meant to say but something always got in the way 
Now no one's here to hear a word and so these things will not be heard 
But they echo daily in my mind and so I find myself resigned 
To listen as my conscience sings these intended but unuttered things.

I meant to say "I'm sorry" when I was wrong;
I meant to say "Don't worry" when roads ahead seemed long 
I meant to say "I'll lead you" when you couldn't find the road;
I meant to say "I'll take it" when you couldn't bear the load 
I meant to say nothing at all each time I'd complain;
I meant to say "I'll shield you" from every drop of rain 
I meant to say "Forgive me" for each tear you'd cry;
I meant to say "Give me one chance to tell you why."

So many things I meant to say but something always got in the way 
Now no one's here to hear a word and so these things will not be heard 
What was I thinking? Why'd I wait? I know it now but now's too late 
My heart lies bare with broken strings atop a mound of voiceless things.

I meant to say "I'll find it" when all you sought was time;
I meant to say "I'll pull you" over each uphill climb 
I meant to say "Take my hand" as each road began to slant;
I meant to say "Yes you can" when you said you can't 
I meant to say "We did it" as we passed each test;
I meant to say "It's over" when we'd find time to rest 
I meant to say "Here's the key" to secrets I keep;
I meant to say "Dream sweetly" as you closed your eyes to sleep.

So many things I meant to say but something always got in the way 
Now no one's here to hear a word and so these things will not be heard 
Except by me from the morning sun until the day is finally done 
Yes now you're gone and each day brings to mind these never-spoken things.

It seems that lately all I have rolling through my brain 
Are all the teeny weeny things I'll never say again 
The things I should have said to the one I was with 
And all those misspent moments that have faded into myth 
So many things I meant to say but something always got in the way 
Now no one's here to hear a word and so these things will not be heard 
Sometimes at night your name I'll call to a faded frame on a shaded wall ---
I meant to say "I love you"
I meant to say "I love you"
I meant to say "I love you"...
And that one hurts the most of all.

Author....Thomas Beechey
2005