I Wish...............If Only

With all my heart I wish what happened wasn't true.

I wish I could shake you awake from this wretched nightmare.

I wish I could close my eyes and rewind time.

I wish I could make a heart beat again.

I wish I could take away a morsel of your pain.

I wish my heart could break into a million pieces instead of yours.

I wish I could take your pain as my own.

I wish there was more I could say, more I could do, 

more I could offer  to change the horrific reality of what now  is.

But all I can do is cry a river of tears with you, hug you, breathe with you, comfort you,

and sit with you in the middle of your deepest pain.

All I can do is pray with you until the heavens hear our prayers.

All I can do is sit with you as we listen to the clock tick in the silence.

All I can do is wipe your tears as they fall from your eyes,

roll down your cheek and land softly on my shoulder.

All I can do is brace my arms to hold you while you sob and shake wildly.

All I can do is offer my presence, my tears,  my love.

All I can do is build a cocoon around every jagged piece of your broken heart.

All I can do is sit with you as we fumble with the ever broken and missing pieces before us.

All I can do is let my heart break with yours.

All I can do is the sacred work of bearing witness to your primal pain.

All I can do is bleed with you.

All I can do is make sure you know you're not alone.

And you know what?

 It doesn't feel like enough. It will never feel like enough.

I long to take away your pain--  for a second, a minute, an hour.

 I long to fix what is irreparably broken.

 I long to snap my fingers to give you back the one your heart aches to hold again in your arms.

If only,  if only,  if only.

 

-- Angela Miller

www.abedformyheart.com

ALZHEIMER'S CAREGIVER'S PRAYER

"Please be gentle with me for I am grieving. The sea I swim in is a lonely one, and the shore seems miles away. Waves of despair numb my soul as I struggle through each day. My heart is heavy with sorrow. I want to shout and scream and repeatedly ask, “WHY?” At times, my grief overwhelms me, and I weep bitterly, so great is my loss.
Please don’t turn away or tell me... to move on with my life. I must embrace my pain before I can begin to heal. Companion me through my tears and sit with me in loving silence. Honor where I am in my journey, not where you think I should be.Listen patiently to my story.I may need to tell it over and over again. It’s how I begin to grasp the enormity of my loss. Nurture me through the weeks and months ahead.
Forgive me when I seem distant and inconsolable. A small flame still burns within my heart, and shared memories may trigger both laughter and tears. I need your support and understanding. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. I must find my own path. Please, will you walk beside me?"
       ~Author   Jill B. Englar

Colorado Knowles Tribe

 

date possibly July 1984

 

5 Candles

The first candle represents our grief. The pain of losing you is intense. It reminds us of the depth of our love for you.

The second candle represents our courage - to confront our sorrow, to comfort each other, and to change our lives for the greater good.

The third candle we light in memory of you - the times we laughed, the times we cried, the times we were angry with each other, the silly things you did, and the caring and joy you gave us.

The fourth candle is the light of love. Every day we cherish the special place in our hearts that will always be reserved for you. We thank you for the gift your living brought to each of us.

The fifth candle is the light of hope. It reminds us of love and memories of you that are ours forever. May the glow of the flame be our source of hopefulness now and forever.

Remember Me This Way

When I come to the end of my journey
And I travel my last weary mile,
Just forget if you can, that I ever frowned
And remember only the smile.

Forget unkind words I have spoken;
Remember some good I have done.
Forget that I ever had heartache
And remember I've had loads of fun.

Forget that I've stumbled and blundered
And sometimes fell by the way.
Remember I have fought some hard battles
And won, ere the close of the day.

Then forget to grieve for my going,
I would not have you sad for a day,
But in summer just gather some flowers
And remember the place where I lay,

And come in the shade of evening
When the sun paints the sky in the west
Stand for a few moments beside me
And remember only my best.


Author Unknown

The Room        By Betty Jo Lackey

I cleaned your room behind that door
I packed your things and so much more

I searched through all the "might have beens"
and cleaned up all "remember whens"

and found so many "used to be's"
and "never mores" and memories

The "not agains" were in your chair
and the "what ifs" were everywhere

Your "used to wears" and "hoped to be's"
were in your closet lots of these

Your blessed presence filled the room
with "never mores" regrets and gloom

I found some hope and even shame
 words you left and lots of pain

I packed your shoes I packed your clothes
but what I am to do with those

The box I bought it had a lid
but they won't fit inside of it

And so I placed them in my heart
where they will ever be a part

I packed you up and closed the door
but you're with me forever more

All your hopes your dreams your pain
will visit me and once again

I'll have to pack them all away
another time, another day.