I Wish...............If Only

With all my heart I wish what happened wasn't true.

I wish I could shake you awake from this wretched nightmare.

I wish I could close my eyes and rewind time.

I wish I could make a heart beat again.

I wish I could take away a morsel of your pain.

I wish my heart could break into a million pieces instead of yours.

I wish I could take your pain as my own.

I wish there was more I could say, more I could do, 

more I could offer  to change the horrific reality of what now  is.

But all I can do is cry a river of tears with you, hug you, breathe with you, comfort you,

and sit with you in the middle of your deepest pain.

All I can do is pray with you until the heavens hear our prayers.

All I can do is sit with you as we listen to the clock tick in the silence.

All I can do is wipe your tears as they fall from your eyes,

roll down your cheek and land softly on my shoulder.

All I can do is brace my arms to hold you while you sob and shake wildly.

All I can do is offer my presence, my tears,  my love.

All I can do is build a cocoon around every jagged piece of your broken heart.

All I can do is sit with you as we fumble with the ever broken and missing pieces before us.

All I can do is let my heart break with yours.

All I can do is the sacred work of bearing witness to your primal pain.

All I can do is bleed with you.

All I can do is make sure you know you're not alone.

And you know what?

 It doesn't feel like enough. It will never feel like enough.

I long to take away your pain--  for a second, a minute, an hour.

 I long to fix what is irreparably broken.

 I long to snap my fingers to give you back the one your heart aches to hold again in your arms.

If only,  if only,  if only.

 

-- Angela Miller

www.abedformyheart.com