She doesn't trust easily- you can see that in the distance she creates between herself and everyone around her, but she has much love to offer.

You can see it in the kindness that’s in the smiles she gives out to everyone around her.

She has millions of chaotic galaxies of thoughts, thousands of tangled up worlds of words and places in her mind, and you can see it in the way her eyes always seem lost, like they are somewhere else.

She always wants to be somewhere else, it shows in the way she’s always rushing and moving, the way she’s always restless.

Life never went easy on her, and she didn't go easy on herself either.

She is strong and you can see it in her eyes, you can sense it in her voice.

She believes that her body can physically rebuild and heal itself.

 I think that’s because she knew how to recover by herself after life had broken her.

 She knows how  it’s like to be under-appreciated.

So if you can’t see the beauty in her quirks, if you don’t think that maybe she might be a little piece of magic, don’t you dare and say that she is just a girl; because she’s a masterpiece.

 I Wish...............If Only

With all my heart I wish what happened wasn't true.

I wish I could shake you awake from this wretched nightmare.

I wish I could close my eyes and rewind time.

I wish I could make a heart beat again.

I wish I could take away a morsel of your pain.

I wish my heart could break into a million pieces instead of yours.

I wish I could take your pain as my own.

I wish there was more I could say, more I could do, 

more I could offer  to change the horrific reality of what now  is.

But all I can do is cry a river of tears with you, hug you, breathe with you, comfort you,

and sit with you in the middle of your deepest pain.

All I can do is pray with you until the heavens hear our prayers.

All I can do is sit with you as we listen to the clock tick in the silence.

All I can do is wipe your tears as they fall from your eyes,

roll down your cheek and land softly on my shoulder.

All I can do is brace my arms to hold you while you sob and shake wildly.

All I can do is offer my presence, my tears,  my love.

All I can do is build a cocoon around every jagged piece of your broken heart.

All I can do is sit with you as we fumble with the ever broken and missing pieces before us.

All I can do is let my heart break with yours.

All I can do is the sacred work of bearing witness to your primal pain.

All I can do is bleed with you.

All I can do is make sure you know you're not alone.

And you know what?

 It doesn't feel like enough. It will never feel like enough.

I long to take away your pain--  for a second, a minute, an hour.

 I long to fix what is irreparably broken.

 I long to snap my fingers to give you back the one your heart aches to hold again in your arms.

If only,  if only,  if only.

 

-- Angela Miller

www.abedformyheart.com